my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
