umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
