smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i've created a new STD.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
