just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just invented taco cereal.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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