You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize