You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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