piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
