is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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