Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
