I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
