Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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