So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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