I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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