my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
