a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
