There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
