a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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