The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
