even my farts smell like vagina
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
