I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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