maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
