I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
