I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
