I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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