Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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