remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize