i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did I show you my penis last night?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
