i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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