I will die if light touches me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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