FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
