my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
