So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
