I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
