first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
