he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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