Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my shit smells like andre
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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