none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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