hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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