and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
