So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm too high and old for this...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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