Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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