Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My balls are so social today.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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