From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
