I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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