She's JV to your varsity
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
