my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You're like the curious george of whores
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
