I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
