come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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