people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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