What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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