I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
where am i from again
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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