do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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