mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
