And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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