Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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