um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
