i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
