found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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