totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
