Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
