I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
