My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
