somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize