i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
