went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
