When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
