Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
