he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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